Scale said 171.6 today. Again. At least it isn't 172.2. I remember hitting this "wall" back when I was working to get below 150 back in 2010/ 2011, and being so aggravated with the bouncing around. Admittedly, I kind of feel a bit like that now, but I also realize that this particular week/ couple of weeks, it's due to my consumption that I'm not losing. This week I'm tracking scrupulously, and I hope that my compliance will be rewarded Saturday on the scale. I'd like a loss, but even getting back to where I was the week before last would be great.
There is a niggling fear in the back of my mind that the Lexapro is somehow going to halt or slow my weight loss progress, but the relationship between SSRI's and weight loss is a bit iffy. There is certainly a correlation and anecdotal evidence abounds; however, correlation does not equal causation and anecdotes do not equal data, so I'm going to keep plugging away and ensure that I'm in a caloric deficit. The only way to accomplish that is to be scrupulous in reporting my food intake, so that is what I will do.
The remaining two side effects from the Lexapro appear to be diminishing. There is still some reflux, as well as some insomnia issues, but the reflux is much improved, and it's becoming easier for me to get to sleep. I think I got nearly or exactly eight hours last night, which was beyond awesome during the work week! We went out briefly (I fed the snakes, and I needed wine after that); when we got home I headed straight for the shower and then into bed. I think I would have fallen asleep more quickly, but my husband came to bed and we chatted briefly before we once again zoned out.
Still, eight hours! Yay :)
My food continues on the same path it has been. Yesterday was a Subway/ Chipotle day... and wine day. Today I brought my food from home, and I'm continuing with my same Boar's Head Fest I've been on since the get-go. Breakfast is a 1 SmartPoint whole wheat tortilla with two eggs along with a little ham and under an ounce of provolone cheese in addition to tomato, onion, pickles, banana peppers, and jalapenos. Lunch is another 1 SP tortilla with 3 oz. jerk turkey, under an ounce of chipotle gouda cheese, a bit of honey mustard, and the same veggie toppings as breakfast.
Oh, and with breakfast I had a small/ medium (I think small -- this sucker was tiny) banana. Lunch I'll have a pile of strawberries. Bananas are a daily food for me, and I go for the smaller ones at the store because even though they're a zero point food, they still have calories and I like to be cautious with how many calories I'm consuming especially with fruit. Strawberries aren't so much of a worry because berries are inherently a lower calorie fruit, but I still watch my portions.
I am hopeful I'll feel more like cooking this weekend, because I'd like to make the black bean turkey chili verde my family loves, and which I enjoy as well. The chili itself is zero points, and toppings (avocado, 2% cheese, reduced fat sour cream) will be where the points come in. I may just go for avocado to top it, as the dairy I think would be overkill... plus, caloric deficit here. I'll see how spicy it is. Regardless, I don't think I need both cheese and the sour cream considering my current nutritional goals. Do they taste good? Sure. But they're not a necessity for me to enjoy the meal.
I just checked, and half of a Haas avocado comes up to 4 SmartPoints. I can live with that. It's 140 calories which, on top of a 300 calorie bowl of chili, will still clock lunch in at 440 - 500 calories, depending on whether or not I toss a few strawberries into the mix. Add that to my 500 calorie breakfast, and I've still got 200 - 300 calories I can play with for dinner. That may not sound like a lot, but I tend to eat much more lightly in the evenings anyway. There's just not much time to cook and sit around. I'll occasionally make fish (there was a fabulous Parmesan crusted tilapia I did last week) or something fast, but even so it usually doesn't top 300 calories.
Anyway, enough blathering. Yipes, those of you reading my stream-of-consciousness, bless you. I know one or two folks appear to be checking in here and there, and you're appreciated.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Monday, July 16, 2018
Day 28 Lexapro
Well, sigh. The scale did not behave on Saturday as I'd have liked, but in the interests of transparency it certainly behaved the way it ought. I massively overdid on baklava last week. Excuse? I have none. I like it, it was available, I rarely have it, so I dove in head-first over and over and over.
According to Weight Watchers I put on 1.2 pounds. According to my home scale I put on between 0.2 and 1.2 pounds, depending on when I weighed myself/ how much coffee I'd consumed. I also was wearing heavier clothes for my weigh-in this week... in part because I knew the weigh-in wouldn't be awesome so adding the weight of jeans rather than the lightweight knit skirt I usually wear wasn't going to make the difference between whether I lost or not. And in a way, I'm glad I had that opportunity because I am sick and tired of wearing that skirt to meetings anyway.
Still, even though I am pretty sure I know what caused my uptick last week, I'm tracking like a beast this week to ensure I don't have a similar outcome this next Saturday.
On the plus side with all of this, I did walk four out of five workdays last week, so yay me! I'm glad I did that. It doesn't have much impact at all on my calorie burn, but it's a good practice for me to get back into.
Oh, and this morning my stupid home scale said the dreaded "172.2" again. Because it hates me. Oh well. Onward!
According to Weight Watchers I put on 1.2 pounds. According to my home scale I put on between 0.2 and 1.2 pounds, depending on when I weighed myself/ how much coffee I'd consumed. I also was wearing heavier clothes for my weigh-in this week... in part because I knew the weigh-in wouldn't be awesome so adding the weight of jeans rather than the lightweight knit skirt I usually wear wasn't going to make the difference between whether I lost or not. And in a way, I'm glad I had that opportunity because I am sick and tired of wearing that skirt to meetings anyway.
Still, even though I am pretty sure I know what caused my uptick last week, I'm tracking like a beast this week to ensure I don't have a similar outcome this next Saturday.
On the plus side with all of this, I did walk four out of five workdays last week, so yay me! I'm glad I did that. It doesn't have much impact at all on my calorie burn, but it's a good practice for me to get back into.
Oh, and this morning my stupid home scale said the dreaded "172.2" again. Because it hates me. Oh well. Onward!
Thursday, July 12, 2018
Day 24 Lexapro
I swear, that scale has been parked at 171.6 all week. Now granted, it's below 172.2 which was the last weight I felt like I saw all the time, but it's aggravating. That said... it's also not unexpected, considering I dropped over 10 lbs. of scale weight in four weeks. There's always a little resistance after a big loss, and considering we're done with the first four weeks, I will be happy to see a pound down a week... although I'm kind of hoping to drop 5 lbs. per month now that the initial burst of water weight loss is gone.
My plan for this? Keep eating as I'm eating, and move more. "Moving more" includes cooking more, so perhaps not eating exactly as I'm eating at the moment, but still continuing to concentrate on lean protein, fruits, vegetables, and minimally processed starchy carbohydrates.
"Moving more" also includes continuing to walk during lunch. I walked both Tuesday and Wednesday this week, and plan to today as long as my knee doesn't give a repeat of Monday's performance. Usually it's my right knee that's bad, but Monday my left knee had some stupid stabbing pain in it that was rendering it difficult for me to even move around the office for a few hours, which covered lunch. Thankfully it worked itself out as the day wore on, but since I know my body likes to take potshots at my exercise efforts, I decided to let it rest the remainder of the day.
I am working to become a person who likes movement -- this goes against my genetic programming, because frankly my ancestors weren't out there chasing mammoths, they were back at the caves drawing on the walls -- and it's frustrating because the more I move, the more my body reminds me that I come from a sedentary people for a reason. Today it's my hips that are griping at me, especially my right hip. If I'm sedentary they're silent. When I start deliberately exercising on a daily basis, the burning in the joints starts up again. It's supposed to be the opposite, where refusing to move causes pain and movement over time increases endurance and stamina. Unfortunately, for me it's more like continuing to operate a machine where the gears are losing their teeth.
Nothing is bad enough for surgery; everything is bad enough that it literally impedes my ability to do what I need to do to live a healthy life. Oh well, I'm going to try anyway. I still have my bike, I have my hand weights, I don't necessarily have to bear weight by walking... I'll work this out. Somehow. I can at least lift with my upper body to help with bone density and to attempt to counteract the effects of bending over a keyboard most of the day, and I can also utilize my standing desk more often. I have options. I am choosing to focus more on what I can do rather than what I can't.
Also, today I'm going to start listing three new things I'm happy about each day. I'll guarantee you some of these things will be weird, but it can't be wrong to work to be happy about stuff! So today I'm happy that my ankles are smaller. I'm happy that my bike-pants style shapewear is feeling significantly less like a sausage casing that's about to burst, and I'm also happy that I'm consistently fitting into the bras I outgrew when I passed that 175 weight barrier.
Like I said, petty :P
A fourth thing I'm happy about, because it won't be new tomorrow, is that I actually cooked dinner last night! I know, I know, it's an adulting thing and shouldn't even be something to celebrate. I was raised to believe we don't get pats on the back for doing what's expected of us, but when normal activities have become as overwhelming as they had prior to me starting Lexapro, believe me, this is beyond worthy of celebration. I fixed a pesto Parmesan crusted tilapia fillet dish for the family, and everyone ate and enjoyed it. Okay, the 15-year-old nearly died when he took his second bite of tomato -- he is not a fan, but he does like to try foods to see if his tastes have changed -- but that only meant more tomatoes for me :) The 19-year-old inhaled his post-haste, then went back to his room to get back to gaming. And my husband and I appreciated the fact that we'd actually all gotten together to eat once again.
So yes, I'm definitely celebrating doing what's "expected" of me, because it's important. And because having members of your family appreciating even doing what you "should" do is huge.
My plan for this? Keep eating as I'm eating, and move more. "Moving more" includes cooking more, so perhaps not eating exactly as I'm eating at the moment, but still continuing to concentrate on lean protein, fruits, vegetables, and minimally processed starchy carbohydrates.
"Moving more" also includes continuing to walk during lunch. I walked both Tuesday and Wednesday this week, and plan to today as long as my knee doesn't give a repeat of Monday's performance. Usually it's my right knee that's bad, but Monday my left knee had some stupid stabbing pain in it that was rendering it difficult for me to even move around the office for a few hours, which covered lunch. Thankfully it worked itself out as the day wore on, but since I know my body likes to take potshots at my exercise efforts, I decided to let it rest the remainder of the day.
I am working to become a person who likes movement -- this goes against my genetic programming, because frankly my ancestors weren't out there chasing mammoths, they were back at the caves drawing on the walls -- and it's frustrating because the more I move, the more my body reminds me that I come from a sedentary people for a reason. Today it's my hips that are griping at me, especially my right hip. If I'm sedentary they're silent. When I start deliberately exercising on a daily basis, the burning in the joints starts up again. It's supposed to be the opposite, where refusing to move causes pain and movement over time increases endurance and stamina. Unfortunately, for me it's more like continuing to operate a machine where the gears are losing their teeth.
Nothing is bad enough for surgery; everything is bad enough that it literally impedes my ability to do what I need to do to live a healthy life. Oh well, I'm going to try anyway. I still have my bike, I have my hand weights, I don't necessarily have to bear weight by walking... I'll work this out. Somehow. I can at least lift with my upper body to help with bone density and to attempt to counteract the effects of bending over a keyboard most of the day, and I can also utilize my standing desk more often. I have options. I am choosing to focus more on what I can do rather than what I can't.
Also, today I'm going to start listing three new things I'm happy about each day. I'll guarantee you some of these things will be weird, but it can't be wrong to work to be happy about stuff! So today I'm happy that my ankles are smaller. I'm happy that my bike-pants style shapewear is feeling significantly less like a sausage casing that's about to burst, and I'm also happy that I'm consistently fitting into the bras I outgrew when I passed that 175 weight barrier.
Like I said, petty :P
A fourth thing I'm happy about, because it won't be new tomorrow, is that I actually cooked dinner last night! I know, I know, it's an adulting thing and shouldn't even be something to celebrate. I was raised to believe we don't get pats on the back for doing what's expected of us, but when normal activities have become as overwhelming as they had prior to me starting Lexapro, believe me, this is beyond worthy of celebration. I fixed a pesto Parmesan crusted tilapia fillet dish for the family, and everyone ate and enjoyed it. Okay, the 15-year-old nearly died when he took his second bite of tomato -- he is not a fan, but he does like to try foods to see if his tastes have changed -- but that only meant more tomatoes for me :) The 19-year-old inhaled his post-haste, then went back to his room to get back to gaming. And my husband and I appreciated the fact that we'd actually all gotten together to eat once again.
So yes, I'm definitely celebrating doing what's "expected" of me, because it's important. And because having members of your family appreciating even doing what you "should" do is huge.
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Mellow Mushroom
Okay y'all, I usually don't post twice in one day, but Mellow Mushroom is happening tomorrow night so I've been looking at calories/ SmartPoints for MM and HOLY CATS!!! The pizza I like (Magical Mystery Tour, which is no longer on the menu but is awesome beyond words and they'll still make as a special order) is SEVENTEEN SMART POINTS. 500 CALORIES. FOR ONE SLICE.
Uhm... no. That's not happening tomorrow night. But if I get the Chef's Salad, add a double topping of chicken, and even go with spicy ranch dressing, I'm clocking in right at 300 calories and 9 points.
Nine points still doesn't tickle me, but it's not seventeen, and the meal will be more filling than a single slice of pizza.
Plus, in my world, I do not eat just one slice of pizza, like, ever. I don't deny myself anything when I'm concentrating on losing weight, but I am more than happy to put it off to a more appropriate day. Considering weigh-in is Saturday, I am not consuming a thousand calories of pizza less than 48 hours prior.
That said, I did find a recipe for a cauliflower pizza crust that clocks in at 50 calories a slice, so I'm considering a DIY faux "Magical Mystery Tour" pizza for another day... in moderation, these things can work.
Uhm... no. That's not happening tomorrow night. But if I get the Chef's Salad, add a double topping of chicken, and even go with spicy ranch dressing, I'm clocking in right at 300 calories and 9 points.
Nine points still doesn't tickle me, but it's not seventeen, and the meal will be more filling than a single slice of pizza.
Plus, in my world, I do not eat just one slice of pizza, like, ever. I don't deny myself anything when I'm concentrating on losing weight, but I am more than happy to put it off to a more appropriate day. Considering weigh-in is Saturday, I am not consuming a thousand calories of pizza less than 48 hours prior.
That said, I did find a recipe for a cauliflower pizza crust that clocks in at 50 calories a slice, so I'm considering a DIY faux "Magical Mystery Tour" pizza for another day... in moderation, these things can work.
Day 23 Lexapro
I've got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to discuss how the Lexapro is going. I have to say that overall I'm happy with it. Yes, I gripe about the insomnia and reflux (and they are totally worth whining over because UGH), and I will definitely mention that to her. That said, the benefits, to me, far outweigh the drawbacks.
I'm dwelling less on things I cannot change. I can actually "let go" of issues that bother me... at least for a while, and when I realize I'm starting to go overboard I can put it away.
I've actually felt like moving again, which is kind of amazing. I've not felt like doing... well, much of anything outside of the absolute basics which would include hygiene, makeup/ hair (I did these while in labor with both kids, and frankly nothing short of a natural disaster stops my vanity practices), go to work, come home, lather, rinse, repeat. But now I'm feeling like walking again, so I'm walking half an hour at lunch. I feel like cooking again (I know!!!! Yes, this is hugely helpful for weight management), so I'm going to pick up dinner at the grocery store tonight. I have even felt the urge to do more work on the house, which is huge... and which I'm sure my husband and kids will appreciate. It will also make me feel better, because I'd really like to feel up to having company over, and my house being in better shape would go a long way toward making that happen.
Another big thing I've noticed is that I'm not feeling the urge to comfort eat myself into a coma anymore. Sure, I can make poor food choices, but that drive to just eat, eat, eat, until I feel even marginally better is gone. I can once more have one donut hole, one cookie, one piece of cake... and at the moment, since I just ate breakfast and am very much not hungry, I would actively turn any of those items down. This. Is. Huge. This is something that's been making me feel crazy for around two years. I remember actually looking at my poor husband and saying "I don't understand why I can't just stop!!!!!" I mean, I know how to lose weight. I've educated myself. I understand making food choices that will meet my needs from both a nutrient and caloric standpoint. And that part of me was absolutely flabbergasted that I literally felt that out of control.
Again, call me weak if you want. Say I should have just "sucked it up". You do you, boo. I tried "sucking it up" and it would work for awhile until it didn't and I'd once more spiral down. Some pulls are stronger than simple desire, and the well of depression has a gravitational force... which is a bit hard to fight, at times, without an assist.
So yes, I think the Lexapro is a win, in so very many ways. I'm honestly thrilled, even when I include the side effects.
Have a good one, y'all :)
I'm dwelling less on things I cannot change. I can actually "let go" of issues that bother me... at least for a while, and when I realize I'm starting to go overboard I can put it away.
I've actually felt like moving again, which is kind of amazing. I've not felt like doing... well, much of anything outside of the absolute basics which would include hygiene, makeup/ hair (I did these while in labor with both kids, and frankly nothing short of a natural disaster stops my vanity practices), go to work, come home, lather, rinse, repeat. But now I'm feeling like walking again, so I'm walking half an hour at lunch. I feel like cooking again (I know!!!! Yes, this is hugely helpful for weight management), so I'm going to pick up dinner at the grocery store tonight. I have even felt the urge to do more work on the house, which is huge... and which I'm sure my husband and kids will appreciate. It will also make me feel better, because I'd really like to feel up to having company over, and my house being in better shape would go a long way toward making that happen.
Another big thing I've noticed is that I'm not feeling the urge to comfort eat myself into a coma anymore. Sure, I can make poor food choices, but that drive to just eat, eat, eat, until I feel even marginally better is gone. I can once more have one donut hole, one cookie, one piece of cake... and at the moment, since I just ate breakfast and am very much not hungry, I would actively turn any of those items down. This. Is. Huge. This is something that's been making me feel crazy for around two years. I remember actually looking at my poor husband and saying "I don't understand why I can't just stop!!!!!" I mean, I know how to lose weight. I've educated myself. I understand making food choices that will meet my needs from both a nutrient and caloric standpoint. And that part of me was absolutely flabbergasted that I literally felt that out of control.
Again, call me weak if you want. Say I should have just "sucked it up". You do you, boo. I tried "sucking it up" and it would work for awhile until it didn't and I'd once more spiral down. Some pulls are stronger than simple desire, and the well of depression has a gravitational force... which is a bit hard to fight, at times, without an assist.
So yes, I think the Lexapro is a win, in so very many ways. I'm honestly thrilled, even when I include the side effects.
Have a good one, y'all :)
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Day 22 Lexapro
This insomnia can stuff it. I'm exhausted. I think the nights where I actually get some sleep it's only because my body's desire to rest finally manages to outweigh the Lexapro's wakefulness side-effect. Last week I had a night with three hours of sleep followed by a night with five hours, followed by a reasonable-esque night of sleep. Last night it took me over an hour to crash out, which left me with five hours of sleep. I'm wiped.
As for tonight? I have no idea how much sleep I'll get. I'm going to bed between 8:00 and 8:30, or at least laying down somewhere in there. For weeks I've been cutting off all caffeine after lunch and limiting consumption prior to. I don't know what else to do. I guess I'll give it a couple more weeks until I ask my doctor about some sort of sleep aid. Well, at least I go in to see her this week, so I'll mention the misery that is getting a decent amount of Zzzzzz's.
Food-wise, I'm doing well this week, which is a darned good thing because: see this past weekend's mass consumption of all weekly allowance points :P I'm tracking like a madwoman, and I will absolutely be successful in holding the line or losing this week. My only concern is we're going out with my sister-in-law either Thursday or Friday night, and that may throw a bit of a wrench into the works. Friday night could potentially wreak havoc on my weigh-in due to sodium intake. We'll just have to see. I'm going to hydrate myself well and just do my best. I'm also going to work on my brain to be flexible about what I'm eating rather than just throw my hands in the air with "Oh my goodness, it's a pizza restaurant, so I have to eat pizza!"
Seriously, I'm an adult. I don't have to eat pizza. Not that there's a thing wrong with it -- it's one of my favorite foods -- but it's not like it's going away any time, so I can always go back to get some another day. I'll just have to weigh out my choice, because frankly if I get a massive pizza craving and keep denying myself, that way lies madness.
Goodness, such an uplifting post! Sorry folks -- I know this is mindless blather, but it keeps me focused on what I'm doing, and offers the slightest bit of accountability. Anyway, take care :)
As for tonight? I have no idea how much sleep I'll get. I'm going to bed between 8:00 and 8:30, or at least laying down somewhere in there. For weeks I've been cutting off all caffeine after lunch and limiting consumption prior to. I don't know what else to do. I guess I'll give it a couple more weeks until I ask my doctor about some sort of sleep aid. Well, at least I go in to see her this week, so I'll mention the misery that is getting a decent amount of Zzzzzz's.
Food-wise, I'm doing well this week, which is a darned good thing because: see this past weekend's mass consumption of all weekly allowance points :P I'm tracking like a madwoman, and I will absolutely be successful in holding the line or losing this week. My only concern is we're going out with my sister-in-law either Thursday or Friday night, and that may throw a bit of a wrench into the works. Friday night could potentially wreak havoc on my weigh-in due to sodium intake. We'll just have to see. I'm going to hydrate myself well and just do my best. I'm also going to work on my brain to be flexible about what I'm eating rather than just throw my hands in the air with "Oh my goodness, it's a pizza restaurant, so I have to eat pizza!"
Seriously, I'm an adult. I don't have to eat pizza. Not that there's a thing wrong with it -- it's one of my favorite foods -- but it's not like it's going away any time, so I can always go back to get some another day. I'll just have to weigh out my choice, because frankly if I get a massive pizza craving and keep denying myself, that way lies madness.
Goodness, such an uplifting post! Sorry folks -- I know this is mindless blather, but it keeps me focused on what I'm doing, and offers the slightest bit of accountability. Anyway, take care :)
Monday, July 9, 2018
Day 21 Lexapro
Today marks two weeks since I started the full dosage of Lexapro, and I definitely appreciate its effects. I'd really like the insomnia to ease up (lordy, would I ever), but that's still a small price to pay for the improvements I've noticed even in the course of only three weeks.
As far as weight loss is concerned, Saturday morning the home scale said 170.4, which was a 0.4 pound drop from last week. I was good with that, especially considering the holiday week and all, but when I went to Weight Watchers according to their scale I'd lost 0.6 pounds! So, whatever. I'm good with both :) It's frankly impressive that I lost at all this week considering I ate like someone was taking food out of style, and also that I dropped 10 lbs. in scale weight in just three weeks.
Regardless of how small the loss this week was, I'll 100% take it. This week my goal is to eat just within my daily points allowance, as I went out this weekend and pretty much destroyed my weekly points in one go. So instead of doing my usual lazy Monday morning of not worrying about fixing food and just stopping at Subway for breakfast and Chipotle for lunch, I instead made my usual breakfast and lunches and will be eating at the office all week. The one exception might be if I pick up some salmon and broccoli one day from Olive Garden, but I think it's best if I just do my sandwiches because I think eating fish at the office might well be a fireable offense.
I saw my sister-in-law today and mentioned how the Lexapro has been helping. She's got a prescription for a different anti-depressant available to her due to the death of a close family member, and when I mentioned the Lexapro has me feeling actually motivated to get out and walk and so forth, she thought she might as well go ahead and pick it up. I understand not wanting to necessarily rely on medication -- that's the reason it's taken me so long to move to a prescription means of helping me with my depression and anxiety -- but sometimes it's beyond helpful. I'm grateful it exists.
Okay, back to the grind! Y'all take care now :)
As far as weight loss is concerned, Saturday morning the home scale said 170.4, which was a 0.4 pound drop from last week. I was good with that, especially considering the holiday week and all, but when I went to Weight Watchers according to their scale I'd lost 0.6 pounds! So, whatever. I'm good with both :) It's frankly impressive that I lost at all this week considering I ate like someone was taking food out of style, and also that I dropped 10 lbs. in scale weight in just three weeks.
Regardless of how small the loss this week was, I'll 100% take it. This week my goal is to eat just within my daily points allowance, as I went out this weekend and pretty much destroyed my weekly points in one go. So instead of doing my usual lazy Monday morning of not worrying about fixing food and just stopping at Subway for breakfast and Chipotle for lunch, I instead made my usual breakfast and lunches and will be eating at the office all week. The one exception might be if I pick up some salmon and broccoli one day from Olive Garden, but I think it's best if I just do my sandwiches because I think eating fish at the office might well be a fireable offense.
I saw my sister-in-law today and mentioned how the Lexapro has been helping. She's got a prescription for a different anti-depressant available to her due to the death of a close family member, and when I mentioned the Lexapro has me feeling actually motivated to get out and walk and so forth, she thought she might as well go ahead and pick it up. I understand not wanting to necessarily rely on medication -- that's the reason it's taken me so long to move to a prescription means of helping me with my depression and anxiety -- but sometimes it's beyond helpful. I'm grateful it exists.
Okay, back to the grind! Y'all take care now :)
Friday, July 6, 2018
Day 18 Lexapro
Well, the scale was at 172.2 this morning, which puts me at a "whatever" kind of feeling. I definitely overdid this weekend and Wednesday, but no other days. At worst, I just haven't literally lost any fat this week, and I can accept that. I didn't consume enough extra for an actual weight gain. It's water weight at this point.
Also, I've lost so drastically over the past several weeks it's not surprising to have a week with minimal to no weight change, especially when, as I said, I kind of went a bit overboard two out of seven days, with one of them being much closer to weigh-in than usual. All that aside, it's a good wake-up call and a reminder to myself that I really need to stick within my weekly points allowance without going "oh, it's fine, I'll make it up..." Nope. That doesn't happen.
On the plus side, I'm still feeling motivated enough to take walks during lunch, and took another one yesterday. This. Is. HUGE. Again, I haven't felt like deliberately exercising for months. I've felt too dragged down and tired. Now, although I'm getting a bit less sleep (thanks insomnia! I woke up at midnight Wednesday night and 3:00 AM last night :P ), I'm still feeling more energetic, which tells me much of my exhaustion was from my emotional state.
I also was making my food for work this morning -- something I've been just kind of going through the motions with for ages -- and I was enjoying the little things I do to get it ready, like arranging the onion slice on top of the tomatoes. You know, silly, simple, basic stuff.
For this, I can live with a bit of insomnia. Yes, it's annoying to lay in bed and not be able to get to sleep. Yes, it's annoying to wake up in the middle of the night and not fall back asleep until half an hour before the alarm goes off (HATE!!!), but at this point the benefits are far outweighing the drawbacks.
Oh, and reflux blows. Just for the record.
Have a great weekend, y'all!
Also, I've lost so drastically over the past several weeks it's not surprising to have a week with minimal to no weight change, especially when, as I said, I kind of went a bit overboard two out of seven days, with one of them being much closer to weigh-in than usual. All that aside, it's a good wake-up call and a reminder to myself that I really need to stick within my weekly points allowance without going "oh, it's fine, I'll make it up..." Nope. That doesn't happen.
On the plus side, I'm still feeling motivated enough to take walks during lunch, and took another one yesterday. This. Is. HUGE. Again, I haven't felt like deliberately exercising for months. I've felt too dragged down and tired. Now, although I'm getting a bit less sleep (thanks insomnia! I woke up at midnight Wednesday night and 3:00 AM last night :P ), I'm still feeling more energetic, which tells me much of my exhaustion was from my emotional state.
I also was making my food for work this morning -- something I've been just kind of going through the motions with for ages -- and I was enjoying the little things I do to get it ready, like arranging the onion slice on top of the tomatoes. You know, silly, simple, basic stuff.
For this, I can live with a bit of insomnia. Yes, it's annoying to lay in bed and not be able to get to sleep. Yes, it's annoying to wake up in the middle of the night and not fall back asleep until half an hour before the alarm goes off (HATE!!!), but at this point the benefits are far outweighing the drawbacks.
Oh, and reflux blows. Just for the record.
Have a great weekend, y'all!
Wednesday, July 4, 2018
Day 16 Lexapro
Scale was back down at 171.2 today, so the bloat was real -- it's hilarious how much my weight vacillates. The only bad thing is I worry how this will impact future WW weigh-ins when I reach lifetime. From what I understand, you have a two-pounds either way allowance, but the way my body likes to retain water that could get a bit frustrating.
On the Lexapro front, I'm noticing some real differences. I actually felt like getting off my duff after I finished my lunch yesterday to take a walk, so I did! This may sound minor, but honestly it was huge. I've not felt like deliberately moving in a dog's age, due to a combination of injuries (my right knee and ankle loathe me) and the depression. Yesterday, none of that was an issue so I walked for half an hour... with no ill effects today, either. Hooray!
Also, my anxiety seems to be ratcheting down quite a bit. We're doing some budgetary overhauling at the office, and rather than freak out over reading about direct and indirect expenses and so forth, I just sat down and read the material. What floored me is that I actually understand it. Now granted, I've taken accounting and I'm the only person at the office who understands our billing software and so forth, but I guess I've absorbed more than I thought. I know, again it seems minor, but I've apparently been dealing with a lot of imposter syndrome regarding my ability to do my job. It appears I'm actually competent, though. I guess the fact that I'm still employed should have served as a big sign that I'm not a wreck, but I'm occasionally a bit slow on the uptake :P
Lastly, I also had the realization that I'm a pretty strong person. It sounds self-aggrandizing to say it, but I'm going to go with it. I saw my ex-husband was abusive, and I left. I saw the way I was brought up was rather messed up, and I chose a different route for myself and my children. I'm not just taking the path of least resistance... I've seen places where a change is needed, and I've made it. My therapist had pointed this out to me, but I just shrugged and said "Well, that's what you do."
Apparently it's not. Apparently it's just what I did, and the people who manage to pull themselves out of a lifetime of toxicity are few and far between. I'm grateful I'm one of them. I'm also grateful I had the good sense to seek medical help for my depression, because I think this is the best decision I've made in a long, long time.
Happy 4th, y'all :)
On the Lexapro front, I'm noticing some real differences. I actually felt like getting off my duff after I finished my lunch yesterday to take a walk, so I did! This may sound minor, but honestly it was huge. I've not felt like deliberately moving in a dog's age, due to a combination of injuries (my right knee and ankle loathe me) and the depression. Yesterday, none of that was an issue so I walked for half an hour... with no ill effects today, either. Hooray!
Also, my anxiety seems to be ratcheting down quite a bit. We're doing some budgetary overhauling at the office, and rather than freak out over reading about direct and indirect expenses and so forth, I just sat down and read the material. What floored me is that I actually understand it. Now granted, I've taken accounting and I'm the only person at the office who understands our billing software and so forth, but I guess I've absorbed more than I thought. I know, again it seems minor, but I've apparently been dealing with a lot of imposter syndrome regarding my ability to do my job. It appears I'm actually competent, though. I guess the fact that I'm still employed should have served as a big sign that I'm not a wreck, but I'm occasionally a bit slow on the uptake :P
Lastly, I also had the realization that I'm a pretty strong person. It sounds self-aggrandizing to say it, but I'm going to go with it. I saw my ex-husband was abusive, and I left. I saw the way I was brought up was rather messed up, and I chose a different route for myself and my children. I'm not just taking the path of least resistance... I've seen places where a change is needed, and I've made it. My therapist had pointed this out to me, but I just shrugged and said "Well, that's what you do."
Apparently it's not. Apparently it's just what I did, and the people who manage to pull themselves out of a lifetime of toxicity are few and far between. I'm grateful I'm one of them. I'm also grateful I had the good sense to seek medical help for my depression, because I think this is the best decision I've made in a long, long time.
Happy 4th, y'all :)
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Day 15 Lexapro
This titling thing is way easy :)
Just as I predicted, the scale bopped itself up and read 173 this morning. I'm almost at a zero on stress over it, though, because I know 100% my food intake/ caloric intake was on point yesterday; this is just a sodium issue.
Also, I utterly failed in water consumption. I'll fix that today. The whole "eating out" issue is not a thing, too, because I was successful in getting up, getting ready, and getting all my food fixed before I left for work today, and I made it in by 6:25. Score! Nothing like beating the boss into the parking lot. Heh.
I have to admit, I'm loving my current breakfast. I don't mind the Subway 6" flatbread with egg white, Black Forest Ham and Provolone, but the homemade version is superior.
Additionally, because it must be said again, eggs DO NOT COME IN PATTY FORM. Yipes.
At home, the sandwich that costs me 11 points at Subway instead costs me 3 points -- one for the wrap, and two for the cheese. Also, it's about 100 calories less than the Subway version, which doesn't hurt my feelings either. Breakfast still ends up being about 400 calories because I eat a banana on top of my homemade wrap, but the bonus is I don't end up consuming as much sodium which means less bloat.
Lunch clocks in at five points due to the spread I use on the tortilla, but I can live with that. Currently I'm eating the Boar's Head Jerk Turkey, a 1/2 ounce of chipotle gouda cheese, some Honeycup mustard spread on the tortilla, along with my standard sandwich toppings (tomato slices, onion, pickle, jalapeno, and banana peppers). That with a side of blueberries clocks in, again, at about 400 calories. Plus I get the added bonus of (once again) less sodium than my Chipotle bowl would run me, and also I don't have to leave the office and use my precious gas and time to go pick up my food.
Dinner will be zero-ish points, and since tomorrow's the fourth I may just allow those points to roll over... or not, because we really don't have anything planned for the 4th. My older son is housesitting for his girlfriend's family, my younger son has plans with his boyfriend, and my husband is working, all of which means I will have almost the entire glorious day to myself.
I won't mind this at all :) I love the boys and my spousal unit, and I also need a bit of time to recharge. That, plus sleeping in because the insomnia from that Lexapro is still a thing. It's hard to fall asleep -- this from a woman who's usually out when her head hits the pillow -- and it's hard to stay asleep. I'm functional and not ridiculously exhausted, because I get into bed at a reasonable hour and stay there and relax even when I'm not sleeping, but I do miss my easier sleep pattern.
By "easier" I mean that whole falling asleep quickly thing, because the waking up during the night thing is normal for me. Oh well, I'll live.
Happy 4th everyone (who's not reading this, LOL) -- be safe and have fun :)
Just as I predicted, the scale bopped itself up and read 173 this morning. I'm almost at a zero on stress over it, though, because I know 100% my food intake/ caloric intake was on point yesterday; this is just a sodium issue.
Also, I utterly failed in water consumption. I'll fix that today. The whole "eating out" issue is not a thing, too, because I was successful in getting up, getting ready, and getting all my food fixed before I left for work today, and I made it in by 6:25. Score! Nothing like beating the boss into the parking lot. Heh.
I have to admit, I'm loving my current breakfast. I don't mind the Subway 6" flatbread with egg white, Black Forest Ham and Provolone, but the homemade version is superior.
Additionally, because it must be said again, eggs DO NOT COME IN PATTY FORM. Yipes.
At home, the sandwich that costs me 11 points at Subway instead costs me 3 points -- one for the wrap, and two for the cheese. Also, it's about 100 calories less than the Subway version, which doesn't hurt my feelings either. Breakfast still ends up being about 400 calories because I eat a banana on top of my homemade wrap, but the bonus is I don't end up consuming as much sodium which means less bloat.
Lunch clocks in at five points due to the spread I use on the tortilla, but I can live with that. Currently I'm eating the Boar's Head Jerk Turkey, a 1/2 ounce of chipotle gouda cheese, some Honeycup mustard spread on the tortilla, along with my standard sandwich toppings (tomato slices, onion, pickle, jalapeno, and banana peppers). That with a side of blueberries clocks in, again, at about 400 calories. Plus I get the added bonus of (once again) less sodium than my Chipotle bowl would run me, and also I don't have to leave the office and use my precious gas and time to go pick up my food.
Dinner will be zero-ish points, and since tomorrow's the fourth I may just allow those points to roll over... or not, because we really don't have anything planned for the 4th. My older son is housesitting for his girlfriend's family, my younger son has plans with his boyfriend, and my husband is working, all of which means I will have almost the entire glorious day to myself.
I won't mind this at all :) I love the boys and my spousal unit, and I also need a bit of time to recharge. That, plus sleeping in because the insomnia from that Lexapro is still a thing. It's hard to fall asleep -- this from a woman who's usually out when her head hits the pillow -- and it's hard to stay asleep. I'm functional and not ridiculously exhausted, because I get into bed at a reasonable hour and stay there and relax even when I'm not sleeping, but I do miss my easier sleep pattern.
By "easier" I mean that whole falling asleep quickly thing, because the waking up during the night thing is normal for me. Oh well, I'll live.
Happy 4th everyone (who's not reading this, LOL) -- be safe and have fun :)
Monday, July 2, 2018
Day 14 Lexapro
I am really happy with how the Lexapro seems to be leveling things out. My brain likes to grab onto something that stresses me out and then not. let. go. Like, for literally days. Apparently, this is not normal! Most folks don't experience this the way I do. They can actually let go of stuff, shelve it, either until a more appropriate time or completely if dwelling on it is doing nothing but cause stress. Who knew?
Sunday morning the scale read 170.8 again, and today it was 172. Both are fine. Weight fluctuates, and a 1.2 pound difference really doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. It will probably uptick again tomorrow since Monday is my Subway/ Chipotle time. I'm hopeful I can make food to take to work tomorrow; the only caveat there is that Tuesdays I have to get to the office early so I can leave at 3:30 to take my younger son to his voice lesson, and sometimes I manage that by hitting up Subway on the way in to work. However, if I just get up at 4:45 I'm pretty confident I can leave the house by 6:10. It shouldn't take me more than an hour to get ready, and that leaves 25 minutes for breakfast and lunch production.
Planning. Planning is good. And July 4th is this week, which means more plans... eeep :) Saturday should be an interesting and telling weigh-in day!
Sunday morning the scale read 170.8 again, and today it was 172. Both are fine. Weight fluctuates, and a 1.2 pound difference really doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. It will probably uptick again tomorrow since Monday is my Subway/ Chipotle time. I'm hopeful I can make food to take to work tomorrow; the only caveat there is that Tuesdays I have to get to the office early so I can leave at 3:30 to take my younger son to his voice lesson, and sometimes I manage that by hitting up Subway on the way in to work. However, if I just get up at 4:45 I'm pretty confident I can leave the house by 6:10. It shouldn't take me more than an hour to get ready, and that leaves 25 minutes for breakfast and lunch production.
Planning. Planning is good. And July 4th is this week, which means more plans... eeep :) Saturday should be an interesting and telling weigh-in day!
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