Yeah, yeah, it's been over a month.
I've put weight back on. It's hard to say exactly how much because the scale is waffling between 174 and 176, but I'll take the 174, thankyouverymuch. Definitely not awesome, considering my last weight was 167.2, but at least I didn't go above 180 again.
Do I love it? No. Can I live with it? Sure; beats the alternative.
So, in order to fix this situation I've started tracking again. I'm working not to obsess. I'm dragging lots of fruits and vegetables home with me from the grocery store, and then to work, to ensure I have reasonable snack options should I choose to partake.
I'm also working to keep my protein intake around 100 grams per day, which is not the easiest thing to manage when counting points/ calories, but I think I've got it in gear.
Another thing my husband and I have done to decrease our caloric intake is to nix our socializing (which often involves adult caloric beverages) down to once or twice per week.
It's working. My face is looking a bit leaner. Now I have to work on getting to the gym.
--------------------------------
Outside of the weight stuff, I'm doing pretty well all things considered. I've actually started cooking again, which is HUGE. I'd been so anti-kitchen for so long -- nearly a year -- and it's good to feel like getting back on track with having my food fixed over the weekend so I can go ahead and pack it up for lunches during the week.
I'm also doing better with the housework stuff. I'm prone to stacking things up rather than actually cleaning and culling, but I'm doing better and the house shows it. I wouldn't be tickled to have anyone over, but I also wouldn't be terribly embarrassed by it either -- just sort of a shrug and a "well, not up to company standards, but I'll live" type of situation.
Oh! And something I just realized last weekend when I went to pick up my older son from school: my anxiety while I'm driving is hugely ratcheted down. It's unbelievable. I was able to take the interstate the whole way to his school rather than freaking out about the vehicles that were daring to share the road with me. With my vertigo and lack of depth perception there's always some insecurity about just where everything is and how my body is affected by it, but I am much better able to put that on the side rather than have the full-blown flight instinct kicking in.
I can't begin to say how good that feels.
I'd love to quit the Lexapro. I'm tired of feeling dependent on a medication to be able to function. But I'd also hate to lose the functionality, so I think I'm going to be staying on it a bit longer. I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks, so I'll touch base with her then.
I'll check in again on Saturday when I weigh in. Maybe. We'll see; I just want to take things as they come :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Counting? Who's Counting?
Apparently I'm not counting, at least. Not days on Lexapro (although I'm sure I could do the math if I felt like it), not PointsPlus, not calories, not even weight recording.
I've kind of slipped. Ever since school started back up and I feel like things got back to normal, I went back to what was "normal" before school got out. Well, it's time to get back to the new normal.
I'm tracking points today. I'm still torn between trying to stay in my daily range or just glaring at my app as I continue tracking, but the one thing I do know is I will definitely track.
I'll weigh myself Saturday, and I'll go from there. I might even hit an official meeting, depending on where I am as far as vet visits and everything else is concerned.
But tracking is indeed happening. I had my "break", and it's time to focus.
I've kind of slipped. Ever since school started back up and I feel like things got back to normal, I went back to what was "normal" before school got out. Well, it's time to get back to the new normal.
I'm tracking points today. I'm still torn between trying to stay in my daily range or just glaring at my app as I continue tracking, but the one thing I do know is I will definitely track.
I'll weigh myself Saturday, and I'll go from there. I might even hit an official meeting, depending on where I am as far as vet visits and everything else is concerned.
But tracking is indeed happening. I had my "break", and it's time to focus.
Monday, August 20, 2018
Day 63 Lexapro
My current mornings:
I'm having a bit more trouble with insomnia at the moment, but it should pass. I'm sure the stress over Teddy isn't helping, but it should abate somewhat over time, assuming we have him long enough for that to occur. I'm dead tired today, though, so I'm going to hop into bed as early as possible this evening.
Outside of that, not much to report. My food intake continues as always and since the scale is trending down, I'm good.
I may or may not have consumed a fewtoo many Hershey's Gold Minis last night. Ahem.
- Get out Lasix.
- Get out Pupperoni.
- Tear off tiny bit of Pupperoni, shove pill into middle of same, edge first, so tiny dog can't discern it.
- Offer Teddy Pupperoni, followed swiftly by piece #2 so he'll bolt down the pill.
- Give Charlie a treat, because Teddy got a treat and Charlie doesn't understand why he can't have one.
- Fill up syringe with cough syrup, shoot down Ted's throat.
- Give Teddy another treat.
- Give Charlie another treat, too. Because.
- Smear weird ointment on Teddy's nose because it's not enough he's got CHF, he's also apparently attempting to grow a rhinoceros horn.
- Give Teddy ANOTHER treat.
- Yep, Charlie too.
- Write note for husband to remember to pick up more Pupperoni next time he hits Sam's.
I'm having a bit more trouble with insomnia at the moment, but it should pass. I'm sure the stress over Teddy isn't helping, but it should abate somewhat over time, assuming we have him long enough for that to occur. I'm dead tired today, though, so I'm going to hop into bed as early as possible this evening.
Outside of that, not much to report. My food intake continues as always and since the scale is trending down, I'm good.
I may or may not have consumed a few
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Day 62 Lexapro
Wow. What a difference two months makes. I've been on Lexapro for that period of time and this morning I had a realization: in addition to not dwelling on stuff to the point it drives me almost nuts, I can't remember the last time I had one of those "I just want to die!!!" mental wailing moments, or any time when I felt like sleeping for the foreseeable future.
This is huge. I look back, and before going on medication I felt as if I were drowning. Now I'm walking on solid earth. That doesn't mean there isn't the occasional puddle, rock, or tree branch in my way. There will always be challenges, and medication doesn't make them go away. What it does do, however, is remove the quicksand.
I'm not perfect by any means. I work on my mental health daily, and my general living practices as well, but things are certainly better than they were :)
On the Teddy front, he's holding steady. Today marked the second day he refused his breakfast, but his eating otherwise (dinner and ALL THE TREATS!!!) as well as his fluid consumption and medicating him remains good. I'm not certain the 2x/day Lasix dosage is going to cut it, but when we move up to 3x/day we know we're closer to the end. Whichever way it works (we'll hear from the vet's office tomorrow regarding his blood and urinalysis results), we'll take the best care of him we can, and accept the decision we will likely have to make when the time comes.
Hugs, sweet boy. Mama loves you.
This is huge. I look back, and before going on medication I felt as if I were drowning. Now I'm walking on solid earth. That doesn't mean there isn't the occasional puddle, rock, or tree branch in my way. There will always be challenges, and medication doesn't make them go away. What it does do, however, is remove the quicksand.
I'm not perfect by any means. I work on my mental health daily, and my general living practices as well, but things are certainly better than they were :)
On the Teddy front, he's holding steady. Today marked the second day he refused his breakfast, but his eating otherwise (dinner and ALL THE TREATS!!!) as well as his fluid consumption and medicating him remains good. I'm not certain the 2x/day Lasix dosage is going to cut it, but when we move up to 3x/day we know we're closer to the end. Whichever way it works (we'll hear from the vet's office tomorrow regarding his blood and urinalysis results), we'll take the best care of him we can, and accept the decision we will likely have to make when the time comes.
Hugs, sweet boy. Mama loves you.
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Day 61 Lexapro
Down yet ANOTHER 0.6 pounds at 167.2. Consistency is a thing.
I'm aggravated with the glacially slow rate of weight loss, but I'm 48 and on Lexapro so I should probably count my blessings. It's moving in the right direction. If I want it to go more quickly I need to add in activity. Duh.
Regarding my dog, he's doing better for now :) The Lasix finally kicked in and by yesterday morning he was eating and acting much more like himself. We went to the vet and although he's in a terminal stage for congestive heart failure, we've got six months to a year with him (or thereabouts) until the medications stop being effective. For now, he's completely his old self, right down to his downright aggravating habit of "Mommy, put me up on the bed! Okay, I want down again. Now back up!" all within a five minute period of time.
The emergency vet had him on a 3x/ day dosage, and his regular vet moved it to 2x/ day. Today is the first time the dosages are 12 hours apart so needless to say I'm watching him like a hawk, but at the moment he's seeming fine other than turning his nose up at breakfast. He did eat some after his Lasix dose, so my plan is that he should do Lasix first, then breakfast, rather than the inverse. As long as his breathing and behavior stay normal, I'm fine. If not, I'll up his dosage again.
He wasn't turning down all food by any means -- he ate ALL the treats, so I'm cautiously optimistic.
We have a few more stages of medication, including adding in a kidney medicine should the need arise, so there's time (how much no one knows) before we have to make that call. I don't love it, but watching him struggle to breathe Thursday night there is no way I'd let him suffer like that. He deserves better.
We'll take care of him to the best of our ability all the way to the end. I love my bitty boy.
I'm aggravated with the glacially slow rate of weight loss, but I'm 48 and on Lexapro so I should probably count my blessings. It's moving in the right direction. If I want it to go more quickly I need to add in activity. Duh.
Regarding my dog, he's doing better for now :) The Lasix finally kicked in and by yesterday morning he was eating and acting much more like himself. We went to the vet and although he's in a terminal stage for congestive heart failure, we've got six months to a year with him (or thereabouts) until the medications stop being effective. For now, he's completely his old self, right down to his downright aggravating habit of "Mommy, put me up on the bed! Okay, I want down again. Now back up!" all within a five minute period of time.
The emergency vet had him on a 3x/ day dosage, and his regular vet moved it to 2x/ day. Today is the first time the dosages are 12 hours apart so needless to say I'm watching him like a hawk, but at the moment he's seeming fine other than turning his nose up at breakfast. He did eat some after his Lasix dose, so my plan is that he should do Lasix first, then breakfast, rather than the inverse. As long as his breathing and behavior stay normal, I'm fine. If not, I'll up his dosage again.
He wasn't turning down all food by any means -- he ate ALL the treats, so I'm cautiously optimistic.
We have a few more stages of medication, including adding in a kidney medicine should the need arise, so there's time (how much no one knows) before we have to make that call. I don't love it, but watching him struggle to breathe Thursday night there is no way I'd let him suffer like that. He deserves better.
We'll take care of him to the best of our ability all the way to the end. I love my bitty boy.
Thursday, August 16, 2018
Day 59 Lexapro
It's not a good night.
Our oldest dog is in congestive heart failure. It was so bad this evening that my husband and I ended up taking him to the emergency veterinary clinic. His heart is so enlarged it's severely impinging on his lung capacity. We got some Lasix for him and brought him home, and thankfully it's finally making its way into his system and he's breathing more easily, but I honestly don't know if he'll make it through the night.
My poor little boy :( He's only 10, and he's a tiny breed so I'd expected him to live longer.
So essentially, I'm sitting watch. I'm up at 11:15 at night (my usual bedtime is 8:00 or 9:00 at the latest), and I'm staying up until I can't any longer. My alarm's set for 4:00 AM to give him another dose of Lasix if he's still with us and see if there's anything more that's reasonable to do. I'm up for medicating him 3x/ day, but I saw his x-rays and it doesn't look good.
I hate this. We'll be okay. This isn't our first pet loss... but I thought I'd have longer. I still hope I do, but tomorrow will tell.
Hug all your babies tight, including the furry ones.
Our oldest dog is in congestive heart failure. It was so bad this evening that my husband and I ended up taking him to the emergency veterinary clinic. His heart is so enlarged it's severely impinging on his lung capacity. We got some Lasix for him and brought him home, and thankfully it's finally making its way into his system and he's breathing more easily, but I honestly don't know if he'll make it through the night.
My poor little boy :( He's only 10, and he's a tiny breed so I'd expected him to live longer.
So essentially, I'm sitting watch. I'm up at 11:15 at night (my usual bedtime is 8:00 or 9:00 at the latest), and I'm staying up until I can't any longer. My alarm's set for 4:00 AM to give him another dose of Lasix if he's still with us and see if there's anything more that's reasonable to do. I'm up for medicating him 3x/ day, but I saw his x-rays and it doesn't look good.
I hate this. We'll be okay. This isn't our first pet loss... but I thought I'd have longer. I still hope I do, but tomorrow will tell.
Hug all your babies tight, including the furry ones.
Saturday, August 11, 2018
Day 54 Lexapro
167.8 today, another 0.6 pounds down -- so at least I'm consistent? Regardless, I'm still losing and that's 100% a plus. I'd like to lose more quickly, but at the moment I'm not willing to put in the work so I either need to resign myself to a slow-but-steady weight loss or suck it up and get in my 30 minutes a day of walking/ bike riding.
Honestly, it would be good to exercise like an adult. I'm thinking about it. It wouldn't kill me to get on the bike or treadmill for half an hour when I get home from work. I just need to do it.
All that said, the trendline is moving down and I've been out of the 170's on my weigh-in day for three weekends now, so that's a good thing.
Honestly, it would be good to exercise like an adult. I'm thinking about it. It wouldn't kill me to get on the bike or treadmill for half an hour when I get home from work. I just need to do it.
All that said, the trendline is moving down and I've been out of the 170's on my weigh-in day for three weekends now, so that's a good thing.
Friday, August 10, 2018
Day 53 Lexapro
I seem to be in a bit of a holding pattern with my weight, judging from how the scale has behaved this week. This morning it was 169.8. Bleah. That said, yesterday I took my younger son to Subway after his school's orientation and I did NOT eat as if I were trying to lose weight. I mean, I didn't go nuts and get a foot-long BMT with double meat and double cheese, but I did get a 6" BMT (normal meat and cheese) on the Italian Herbs & Cheese bread along with a bag of Doritos and a peanut butter cookie.
Nope, it was not my best choice by any means. I'm sure it also caused some water retention due to the sodium in the food. Additionally, it was my only real meal of the day. I had a banana prior to orientation, and fruit cup at the office's normal lunch hour (Subway was at 10:30), and two cheese/meat rolls (approximately 150 calories) before bed last night, so ultimately we're looking at 1400 calories maximum, and that's guesstimating pretty high on the fruit cup.
So, really not a bad day. On the downside, I haven't walked all week due to scheduling and so forth, so I'm not really anticipating a great weigh-in tomorrow. But I didn't lose my mind either, so I'm going to call that a win.
This weekend is going to be a long one as I've taken off Monday and Tuesday to celebrate both my husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary. There will be much food. There will also be a drag queen brunch locally on Sunday, which we'll be attending as a few of our friends are performing. Sounds like a good stop in a fabulous long weekend :)
Mood-wise I'm doing okay. Part of me wants to up the Lexapro, but in fairness it's really doing its job well. I am still able to turn off the endless loops of distress and put them to bed for awhile, which is helpful. I'd rather just have that "nudge" from the medication if that's all I need. If I end up needing more, I'll reassess.
Have an excellent weekend, everyone :)
Nope, it was not my best choice by any means. I'm sure it also caused some water retention due to the sodium in the food. Additionally, it was my only real meal of the day. I had a banana prior to orientation, and fruit cup at the office's normal lunch hour (Subway was at 10:30), and two cheese/meat rolls (approximately 150 calories) before bed last night, so ultimately we're looking at 1400 calories maximum, and that's guesstimating pretty high on the fruit cup.
So, really not a bad day. On the downside, I haven't walked all week due to scheduling and so forth, so I'm not really anticipating a great weigh-in tomorrow. But I didn't lose my mind either, so I'm going to call that a win.
This weekend is going to be a long one as I've taken off Monday and Tuesday to celebrate both my husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary. There will be much food. There will also be a drag queen brunch locally on Sunday, which we'll be attending as a few of our friends are performing. Sounds like a good stop in a fabulous long weekend :)
Mood-wise I'm doing okay. Part of me wants to up the Lexapro, but in fairness it's really doing its job well. I am still able to turn off the endless loops of distress and put them to bed for awhile, which is helpful. I'd rather just have that "nudge" from the medication if that's all I need. If I end up needing more, I'll reassess.
Have an excellent weekend, everyone :)
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
Day 51 Lexapro
Scale weight is 169.8 today, so it's doing its weird thing where it's low on Saturday morning, holds steady for a bit, spikes, then drops again. I'm sure this is entirely related to my weekend dining habits, but frankly as long as the overall trendline with my weight is heading in a downward direction I'm fine with it.
That said, one thing I'm going to do today is watch my caffeine intake more closely. The reason for this is twofold: 1) I'm really trying not to encourage the insomnia that the Lexapro has exacerbated, so I need to get back to consuming less caffeine before lunch, as well as my strict post-lunch cut-off; and 2) I've noticed that the more caffeine I consume, the more fluid I tend to retain. The latter is somewhat counter-intuitive, when one considers that caffeine is a diuretic, but apparently I'm not drinking enough water which is causing my body to hold onto every drop as if I'm living in the Sahara rather than a state with near 100% humidity. So... yeah. More water consumption is definitely on the gameboard for today and prayerfully the conceivable future.
Other than that, all is well especially because two of my favorite authors released books yesterday, which means I was up a teensy bit late finishing the one and starting the other :) Okay, time for three NEW things I'm happy about!
That said, one thing I'm going to do today is watch my caffeine intake more closely. The reason for this is twofold: 1) I'm really trying not to encourage the insomnia that the Lexapro has exacerbated, so I need to get back to consuming less caffeine before lunch, as well as my strict post-lunch cut-off; and 2) I've noticed that the more caffeine I consume, the more fluid I tend to retain. The latter is somewhat counter-intuitive, when one considers that caffeine is a diuretic, but apparently I'm not drinking enough water which is causing my body to hold onto every drop as if I'm living in the Sahara rather than a state with near 100% humidity. So... yeah. More water consumption is definitely on the gameboard for today and prayerfully the conceivable future.
Other than that, all is well especially because two of my favorite authors released books yesterday, which means I was up a teensy bit late finishing the one and starting the other :) Okay, time for three NEW things I'm happy about!
- I'd say the books release was number one but I already mentioned it :P Hmmm... okay, #1 will be I'm happy the scale dropped this morning :)
- I'm happy I realized that the caffeine could be causing further fluid retention and that I'm working to alleviate that problem (although I seem to repeat this cycle)
- I'm happy school is starting back Monday, so we can get back into the normal routine.
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Day 50 Lexapro
Lordy I'm tired.
I'd say the one side effect from the Lexapro that hasn't really abated to a degree I'd like is the insomnia. I woke up Monday morning at 3:00 AM and wasn't able to get back to sleep, so last night I went to bed really early -- as in, I was in bed by 7:30.
I couldn't fall asleep until well past 8:00, and even then I woke up again at 2:00 AM for another bout of wakefulness that at least ended sometime before I was due to get up.
I'd just like to stop feeling like I'm about to faceplant into my keyboard, please. Yeesh.
Outside of that, I was retaining water like a beast this morning. Yesterday was 168.4; today was 171.8. At first I was sure the scale needed to re-calibrate, but nope! Oh well, I saw it coming. It was the red beans, likely in combination with the Subway for yesterday's breakfast and possibly the frozen dinner style lunch I had. Thankfully, today is a normal food day, and the remaining red beans are for my husband; here's hoping tomorrow's weigh-in is a bit more normal.
Okay, on for the three things I'm happy about:
I'd say the one side effect from the Lexapro that hasn't really abated to a degree I'd like is the insomnia. I woke up Monday morning at 3:00 AM and wasn't able to get back to sleep, so last night I went to bed really early -- as in, I was in bed by 7:30.
I couldn't fall asleep until well past 8:00, and even then I woke up again at 2:00 AM for another bout of wakefulness that at least ended sometime before I was due to get up.
I'd just like to stop feeling like I'm about to faceplant into my keyboard, please. Yeesh.
Outside of that, I was retaining water like a beast this morning. Yesterday was 168.4; today was 171.8. At first I was sure the scale needed to re-calibrate, but nope! Oh well, I saw it coming. It was the red beans, likely in combination with the Subway for yesterday's breakfast and possibly the frozen dinner style lunch I had. Thankfully, today is a normal food day, and the remaining red beans are for my husband; here's hoping tomorrow's weigh-in is a bit more normal.
Okay, on for the three things I'm happy about:
- Oh, huge one -- I'm happy that the dream I had last night was not real! For some reason I was dreaming that my mother was trying to make me mow the lawn (y'all, I have never touched a lawnmower in all my 48 years and I don't intend on starting now); when I refused, she said she was going to take my car. That she didn't buy me. Uh-huh, okay there!
- I'm happy I continue to take steps to improve myself and to become the person I want to be.
- I'm super happy I got confirmation that my vacation day requests were approved and I have next Monday and Tuesday off -- squeeeee!!!!
Monday, August 6, 2018
Day 49 Lexapro
Another 0.6 pounds down this week, so 168.4 :) No, it's not huge, but that scale went down so I didn't have to show up to Weight Watchers this week again. Actually, I wouldn't have gone this week regardless, since I had to take the boys shopping (it was a tax holiday this past weekend) and we weren't going to be out in the insanity that is our mall any later than necessary.
I forgot three new things I'm happy about Friday, so I'll give it a whirl today.
I forgot three new things I'm happy about Friday, so I'll give it a whirl today.
- I'm happy I've finally stopped sweating (this morning was brutal)
- I'm happy I have a bed to crash into tonight (I've been awake since 3AM)
- I'm happy I have caffeine (see above)
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